What is Divorce Coaching?
Divorce truly is the proverbial double-edged sword. On the one hand, you are likely experiencing the incredible feeling of being free of a daily high dose of cortisol, aka the stress hormone, that comes from living with daily conflict, resentment, and irritations. However, being ‘free’ of that unsustainable relationship, does not always mean totally free of that dose of cortisol, as you may now be facing the stress of solo money creation and management, with kids, then the stress of single parenting, running your home alone, going to bed alone and perhaps spending many of your evenings in front of the television wondering if you made the ‘right’ choice.
We are often scripted into believing that life is meant to be stress-free, and as most of us know, even when something exciting is happening, it doesn’t mean it will be stress-free. Many things are both exciting and stressful, weddings, the birth of a new baby, moving, changing jobs, and so many more examples. So if we trust that life IS NOT meant to be totally stress free, then what we might want to get clear about, is that part of our job in life then is to honor and realize that it’s HOW we respond to stress that ultimately determines our overall experience of joy, happiness and a peaceful existence, divorced or not.
So here are four things that you can do right away to help you address stress:
1) Manage your expectations. It’s when you want this, and it’s like that, you feel stressed. A coach (me) could assist you with both addressing what is realistic and how best to communicate what you expect in a way that will have this and that working better. Sometimes this happens with others, as friends and family can burn out during your divorce process, and sometimes in this in an internal process where you need to manage what you are expecting of you. Some clients let themselves slide and aren’t empowering themselves to do the work, they become hopeless and helpless, and sometimes they expect too much of themselves and don’t leave space for grief or making the adjustments to a new life and a new way of being.
2) Have a regular practice of stress release activities. If you don’t do it already, take up meditation, do yoga, go to the gym, anything that moves the ‘stress’ energy out of your body. If you aren’t moving energy, it can get stuck, and then physical and emotional illness can be the result.
3) Leave room for grief work. Divorce is a loss no matter how you look at it. Grief work means letting go of the sadness you feel, leaving space for cultivating new experiences of personal freedom and joy. One of my firm beliefs is that too often we see trauma as a reason to stop growing, it’s too hard, I am too overwhelmed. When in fact some of your most powerful growth and evolution as a human can come through some of the most painful things in your life. How to do healthy grief work is best with a guide and someone with experience in this type of work.
4.) Get a coach, take a personal development seminar, it’s much easier to do life with a cheerleader and with new skills to create a new normal. I am a coach and also divorced, with one relationship ending tragically and with significant fallout, so having someone with empathy and compassion is a guarantee if you choose to work with me.
So if you think you are ready to take a run at number 4 above, I can assist you with a clear plan and path to that new normal and give you the tools to see your divorce as a blessing, despite the reality of all the stress you have endured! Call or email me for a free 1/2 conversation to assess whether or not we think we are a good fit for working together. If you aren’t sure you are ready for a coach, get started with the others suggestions above and hold space you are going to be better having had the experience as we learn most about ourselves when we are in struggle.